it's all about me

...this post, that is. life isn't usually all about me, although sometimes i think it should or could be! haha. no really, i saw this on brandy's blog and had to give it a try. sometimes it's hard to share stuff about me, but i always love hearing about others. maybe some of you may be interested in me, too. i know it's a long shot...but possible, right?

i am...missing mike while he's at scout camp this week. loving that luke is in bed sleeping. in denial that i'm almost 31 when i still feel 16.
i think...too much. i lay (or is it lie) in bed at night thinking, most of the time about nothing important. i need to lose 10 lbs. i don't do enough - there is always more i could do - family home evening, playtime with my kids, vacuuming the stairs, going to the temple, the list goes on and on.
i know...most of my friend's phone numbers by heart - even numbers from 20 years ago. i am a daughter of god and he loves me. i am happier when i get 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep.
i want...my kids to be happy. to be a better mom and better wife. to have a cleaner house. to travel someday. a new driveway. to figure out how to get max to listen the first time without having to count to 3. to get in shape. luke to stay his cuddly loveable self forever. to grow old with mike. to succeed.
i have...more than i deserve in some cases. green eyes. amazing people in my life and some people i could do without. flat feet. a love for creating - and seeing other's enjoy what i have made.
i wish...i knew that my kids were going to be ok after i am done with them. i were better at forgiving and forgetting. i were more patient.
i hate...when people chew their food with their mouths open. the wind - it puts me in a bad mood.
i fear...the unknown. spiders. losing a child. that i'm doing something wrong and won't achieve my goals.
i feel...a lot. emotions very strongly. calm and a bit vulnerable sharing so much about me! happy to be where i am.
i smell...the popcorn i just fixed for max. too much - my nose is way too sensitive and that can be a bad thing...can be good too.
i crave...sweet and salty. fresh food on a good day. mexican when i'm pregnant. actually, mexican food anytime! sunshine.
i search...for the 'why' in most situations. for the perfect gift for others - i am always trying to find something unique and personal.
i love...my boys more than i thought possible. summer. fresh tomatoes out of the garden. warm homemade bread. luke's silly chatter. my fabulous husband. max's creativity. hearing my kids laugh. hearing my kids laugh when playing together. having someone scratch my head or run fingers through my hair.
i wonder...where i will be in 5 years.
i regret...not listening to promptings. not going to visit kathy before she passed away. being so mean to my mom when i was a kid.
i care...about everything - sometimes too much. about others and try to help with whatever i can. about what i look like when i go to the store. what others think of me even when i know i shouldn't. about details.
i always...go to bed without washing my face. check my email. answer the phone if i am home. do my make-up and hair - everyday. wish i didn't have to do my make-up and hair to look presentable.
i believe...in miracles. that things happen for a reason. that there is a greater plan that i can't see yet. anyone can be happy if they choose to be. a positive attitude can make all the difference. blessings come through obedience. i am doing the best i can with what i know at this stage in life - and can only hope i can do better.
i dance...in my head. i don't dance. i don't try to dance. i don't want to try to dance. i love to think i can dance, but i know that is a lie. so, i watch others dance and am jealous. i love luke's little head-banger dance.
i sing...alto if in a choir. because i love the way i feel when i really belt it out. in the car. with my kids. not that great, but that doesn't hold me back.
i like...flowers. the beach. flip flops that are wide enough for my fat feet. organization. clean sheets. reading. pretty pictures. to plan parties and make sure the food is as pretty as the decorations.
i don't always...say what i really feel. love how i look.
i fight...like a girl.
i write...a to do list every day. you could say i'm obsessed with lists - my way of feeling accomplished, i guess. in a private journal when i'm having a bad day.
i lose...my temper - and i get really quiet and start cleaning.
i win...most of the time at scrabble against mike. (he's getting better though!) everytime i get a hug from my boys.
i never...win contests or drawings. will own a minivan - they make me carsick. will understand how boys are born with the sounds of motorcycles, guns, and cars in their minds - i know i didn't teach them!
i miss...old friends that have moved away or that i have lost along the way. not having to worry about what i eat and still stay skinny. mike when he's gone.
i listen...for my kids to cry in the night. to the neighbor's dog bark at me when i walk in my backyard and i yell at it everytime! to the quiet.
i can usually be found...home with the kids. in the car driving the kids. at the store with the kids. pretty much they rule my life - in a good way.
i am scared...of the world my kids will have to face as they get older. that i won't be ready if a natural disaster comes our way. that i won't have enough faith.
i need...to sleep well tonight. (last night was bad.) to get max a birthday present. to read my scriptures more consistently. to spend more time on the floor playing with my boys. to learn to budget better. a new vacuum.
i dislike...the blossom end rot on half of my tomato plants. when people don't follow through with what they say they will do.
i prefer...summer over winter. rootbeer. a clean house. mayo over miracle whip. vanilla ice cream. fruity candy. pink and white peonies. hand written cards over emails.
i won't eat/drink...oysters. alcohol. deer - if i can help it.
i get anxious...when mike goes hunting or horse riding or fishing or camping by himself. it doesn't happen very often anymore, but there are times i worry every minute until he gets home safely.
i am fascinated by...learning how to do something new. little details - they are what make the difference. my kids and how quickly they learn and grow. talented people.
i am a little embarassed to admit...that when i find a good book i will hide out until i'm finished, often ignoring everything around me. (there goes the clean house.) i love reality tv...mainly survivor and the amazing race - can't miss an episode!
i am happy about...my life. summer harvest from the garden. having beautiful healthy kids. knowing who i am. mike's new job. max starting kindergarten. living in a wonderful neighborhood. having the gospel in my life. memories of the past that make me smile.